The Case Of The Never Happened
by Is-Simple
Summary: Leon is a thong? No way! "“Are you okay Leon? You’re walking kind of funny.” Aerith asked as she quickly hid her smile. It was safe to say Leon didn’t talk to them the rest of the night."


Erg. I came up with this idea about year ago.... And I found this a little funny and wanted to share it. Sorry if there is any mistakes I haven't actually looked at the file in about a year.. If anyone finds any mistakes, please tell me. Umm... Well enjoy.

Disclaimer- I do not own Kindgom Hearts (Or Final Fantasy), nor will I ever.

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"Damn" Leon cursed as he fixed his bra. How could women wear these things?!? More importantly… how do they keep them on!?

Sighing, Leon gave up on the bra. Instead, he went for the leather pants. No sooner did he get them on did Yuffie and Aerith walk through the door. Aerith blushed and looked at the floor. Yuffie on the other hand, had gotten over the shock of seeing him topless a few years back, walked up to the rest of the clothes that lay on the bed.

Picking up what could be leather top or a leather rag, she stated "Well, Leon always did like his leather..." and then quickly ducked as Leon threw a leather boot at her. Standing back up she laughed, watching as Leon fought to keep the bra up while glaring at her. This was a sight in its self.

The top was longer and covered up more than the Cat women's did in the movie. But he was also trying to hide the fact that he indeed didn't have curves or a chest of a woman.

Standing in deep thought, Yuffie than decided she had enough things thrown at her for the day. But watching a man such as Leon struggling with a bra, now that was even worse. Walking over to Leon, Yuffie helped him clasp the back of the bra tighter. Aerith lightly laughed at the pair. No matter how many times she saw it, it was still awkward and yet cute at the some time.

After helping him with the bra, Yuffie took something from her back pocket. Laughing quietly to herself, she bounced on the heels of her feet.

Leon looked up catching Yuffie's eye. And regretted it as soon as he did. There was a look of mischief in her eyes. Something Leon learned years ago, that could never be good for him, and he was right.

Yuffie held up a red leather thong. "No!" Leon stated glaring at the girl in front of him.

"But-" Yuffie started, stopping her jumping.

"No!" He stated again crossing his arms over his chest, not even bothered that he was topless and was wearing a bra. He was okay with wearing a bra, but no way in hell was he going to wear butt floss!

"People will se-"

"NOO!" He shouted, picking up the other leather boot. Aerith decided that before anything else was thrown she had to stop the fighting… Too late.

"Oh come on Leon! All real men wear thongs!" And _zoooom_ went the boot. Yuffie luckily ducked in time. Wincing when the boot made a 'thump' as it hit the wall and fell to the floor.

"Yes, and I'm sure all the women who wear thongs are 'real men' too, hmmm?" he glared.

Yuffie puffed her cheeks out. "But _Le-on_…" and she was ignored. She pouted, throwing the thong at Leon, who quickly dodged it. Frowning, she stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her. It wasn't often the Leon lost his cool, and when he did...

Aerith left the room soon after not needing to tell Leon where she was going, quickly apologizing. Leon sighed, why was he doing this again? Seriously he couldn't remember. Making his way over to the boot's, the one's he was trying to put on before Yuffie bothered him, he finally put them on. He carefully avoided the thong that just lay on the floor. Next were… the shirt… and then the mask…

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"Yuffie, that wasn't nice…" Aerith stated when she finally reached the younger. Yuffie beamed at her, it had worked. Leon was going to wear the thong! She just knew it! Leon could never stand hurting her feelings and this was no different. "Yuffie, please don't tell me that this was another one of your schemes…" Aerith sighed. Yuffie's smile only got wider.

A few moments later Leon came out of the room looking like he was discomforted. Gods was he going to kill her. Wait… first he would take off the thong and then he would kill her! Better yet, he was going to take off the thong then the bra, put on some other clothes and then he would kill her! He couldn't just go 'caveman' and kill her in the nude.

"Are you okay Leon? You're walking kind of funny." Aerith asked as she quickly hid her smile.

It was safe to say Leon didn't talk to them the rest of the night.

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When they finally did get to the costume party Leon was wishing that he had brought the whip… All these people were perverts and couldn't keep their hands off!

"I like em' tall" Was softly whispered in his ear. Leon's brows rose at that but made no comment to the mysterious person behind him. "The boots I mean" The voice chuckled, annoying Leon to all hell. Yes, he got it, he was tall, but he was a guy! He didn't have to take this! Quickly turning around Leon faced-

…Batman…

"…" Leon must have had a 'shocked silly' look on his face or something because the next moment the so claimed 'batman' was frowning if not slightly pouting.

They openly stared at each other. Then something finally dawned to Leon,

"I'm not a woman" Leon broke the silence. Cloud must had took that the wrong, from how harsh he voice was, or maybe just misheard, because what he said made Leon even more confused, well as confused as a man could be dressed as Catwomen.

"Well, I'll make a real woman out of you yet" Cloud winked, putting up false bravado.

"Wha-" Leon was quickly silenced by a soft kiss from Cloud, pulling away he smirked as he turned around. Leon openly stared at Cloud as he walked away. After the shock wore off, he frowned. He was pretty sure that even if he was dressed the way he was now, that he sounded nothing like a girl.

It hurt his pride… Damnit he didn't sound like a girl! And _OH_ was the thong chafing him.

At least the day couldn't worse. Leon then paused and frowned as he spotted another guy making their way over to him. Apparently, the day could get worse. Quickly diverted his eyes he walked further into the crowed.

Walking over to an emptied table, he was stopped in his tracks as the same Batman as before came back with two drinks in hand, one was a murky white color the other was a light brown. Cloud smiled as he handed 'Catwomen' the first glass. Leon drowned the whole glass in one gulp. Drunk, he needed to get drunk! Frowning, he realized that he more then likely wasn't going to get drunk if everyone keeps giving him milk to drink, nonalcoholic milk, anyway. You would think after the third glass, he would have started suspecting it to be milk…

He was not Catwomen, he did not like milk! Leon was avoiding all sexual innuendos.

Looking back over to Batman he noticed that he hadn't taken a sip of his own drink yet. Slightly smiling, Leon swayed his hips as he made his way over. Giving the most innocent look he could muster he put his hand on Clouds shoulder softly dragging his nails down till his hand was down to the glass. Moving forward he kept his hand on the glass he moved his head closer. Making sure Clouds eyes were on his face, he moved his face closer and lightly licked Clouds cheek. Moving even closer he grabbed the glass as he nipped at Clouds ear.

Clouds breath caught in his throat, eyes widening in surprise. Smiling again, Leon raised a brow, _'interesting, he didn't even notice.'_ Moving away he caught Clouds eye, winking he walked away swaying his hips as he did so. Glass in hand.

Well, all he had to do is keep doing that all night and by no time he would be drunk. He was going to need to be drunk if he had to keep doing that to get drinks.

He smiled as he brought the glass to his lips. Taking a swift drink, he made a face. Looking at the glass in hand he lightly shook it watching the bubbles float to the top.

It was beer alright… Root beer… He had just hit on a guy dressed as Batman… for root beer. Frowning again he made his way back over to Batman.

Cloud blinked as a glass was shoved into his hands. Quickly looking up he watched as Catwomen walked away from him again, the second time that night. Blinking in confusion he looked down to his hands. A glass… His eyebrows shot up. Jerking his head up he looked the way he last saw Catwomen walking and blindly headed that way.

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The end. Really.... I don't plan to add more.


End file.
